Most of us expect anxiety to come from rejection, but being on the receiving end of unwanted attention can be just as stressful. Whether it’s a colleague, acquaintance, or someone showering you with gratitude and gifts too quickly (what’s often called love bombing), the experience can create deep unease. Its a form of coresion and control, not affection. And you can probably sense it, making you anxious.

You want to be respectful, but you also need to protect your space. This clash often leaves people feeling anxious, guilty, and stuck.

"Love bombing" isn’t the same as ordinary kindness. It’s an intensity of attention, like constant messages, praise, or gifts, that feels unbalanced and intrusive. Psychologically, this imbalance triggers alarm. Instead of feeling flattered, you may feel pressured, as though expectations are being placed on you without your consent, leaving you in a state of fight, flight, or freeze. This abundance of attention creates a loss of freedom. And because the other person doesn't truly know you, there's every reason to expect that they will soon feel let down and rejected, regardless of how many times you tell them no along the way.

The anxiety of unwanted attraction
Receiving unwanted attention puts you in a bind: you don’t want to hurt the other person, but you also can’t pretend to accept what you don’t feel. This tension creates anxiety, often leading to avoidance, downplaying or ignoring texts, dodging conversations, or quietly withdrawing. Unfortunately, avoidance tends to increase stress, leaving you hyper-aware of the situation. Anxiety thrives in uncertainty, which is why finding a clear, assertive way forward is so important.

The challenge is to be both assertive and compassionate. You dont want to damange the relationship, but you need to protect your sanity. Research on assertiveness shows that direct, respectful communication reduces long-term conflict more effectively than either aggression or silence. In practice, this means:

• State your boundary clearly. For example: “I appreciate your kindness, but I’m not interested in this type of relationship.”

• Keep it simple. Long explanations can sound like negotiation. Short and steady is kinder.

• Remain consistent. Mixed signals — responding one day, staying distant the next — only create more confusion.

• And while you can try to acknowledge the person’s humanity without encouraging the behavior, it's entirely possible that despite your clarity, the other person still cannot accept your boundary. In that case, the next step may be to cease all communication. There is no point in preserving their dignity if your sense of safety and sanity is the cost.

Living with the discomfort
Even when done kindly, boundary-setting feels uncomfortable. That discomfort doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong; it means you’re acting in line with your values. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) reminds us that living authentically often involves anxiety. The goal isn’t to eliminate the uneasy feelings, but to make room for them while standing firm in what matters to you.

The anxiety of love bombing and unwanted attention is real. It challenges your ability to protect yourself while caring about another person’s dignity. The way forward is clarity: firm boundaries, delivered respectfully, and sometimes it means ending the relationship. If you’d like support in building the confidence to handle these situations, Dr Rick Smith’s practice in Hong Kong offers evidence-based, high-end psychological support. Visit Rick-Smith.com to learn more.