A client once told me, “I don’t want to complain, people out there are dealing with far worse than I am.” She was exhausted, anxious, and clearly in pain. Yet she felt she had no right to acknowledge it because her life, from the outside, looked stable. This belief “others have it worse, so my problems don’t count”  is something I hear often. At first it sounds humble, even compassionate. But in practice, it usually leaves people feeling more stuck and alone.

What this belief is really doing
When people say “others have it worse,” they often mean to put things in perspective. But beneath the surface, this belief usually serves other psychological functions:

• A shield against vulnerability. By dismissing your pain, you don’t have to risk opening up and being let down.

• Perfectionism in disguise. For some, admitting difficulty feels like failure. Minimizing their struggles protects the illusion of being flawless.

• Echoes of early learning. Many were told as children, “Stop crying, others have it worse.” Over time, that becomes internalized self-talk.

• Fear of selfishness. If you deeply value caring for others, focusing on your own pain can feel self-indulgent. Dismissing your needs becomes a way of preserving moral worth.

These functions explain why the belief is sticky. It doesn’t just compare you to others — it shields you from feelings you may not want to face.

Is the belief workable?
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) asks a key question: is this belief workable? In other words, does it move you toward the life you want?

In the short term, telling yourself “others have it worse” might push you through the day without asking for help. But in the long run, it backfires. It invalidates your pain, blocks you from support, and often fuels shame: “If I can’t handle this, and others have it worse, I must be selfish for thinking about my problems.” Instead of building resilience, the belief narrows it.

When you pause to ask whether the belief is workable, the answer is often no. It doesn’t lighten the load, it keeps you stuck, and alone.

A healthier reframe
A more helpful alternative is to hold both truths: yes, others may be suffering more, and yes, my pain matters too. Pain is not a competition. The brain registers stress, exhaustion, or grief regardless of whether someone else has it “worse.”

In fact, research on compassion shows that when people validate their own struggles, they’re actually better able to show genuine care for others. It’s not selfish to say, “this is hard for me.” It’s human.

One practical exercise: imagine a friend telling you what you’re going through. Would you dismiss them because someone else is suffering more? Or would you validate their pain and support them? Offering that same kindness inward is not indulgence. It’s the foundation of resilience.

Conclusion / Call to Action
“Others have it worse” may sound noble, but it isn’t workable. It silences your pain and blocks you from healing. Recognizing your struggles as valid doesn’t take away compassion for other; it deepens it. If you often find yourself minimizing your pain, visit Rick-Smith.com to learn healthier ways to cope.