The paradox of stress
Ask any executive or professional if they’d like less stress, and most will quickly say yes. But in reality, many don’t truly want stress to disappear. Stress isn’t only a burden. It can also be a sign of meaning, belonging, and growth.

How we interpret stress
In the 1980s, Lazarus and Folkman (1984) showed that stress arises less from events themselves and more from our interpretation of them; specifically, when demands feel greater than our resources. Decades later, Stanford’s Dr. Kelly McGonigal challenged this insight, showing that how we think about stress more profoundly shapes how it affects us.

McGonigal’s research highlights that "demands > resources" isn’t automatically harmful. If we see it as a threat, our body reacts more negatively. But if we interpret stress as evidence that something important is at stake, the very same physiological response can sharpen focus and build resilience. We can rise to the challenge. In other words, stress can either drain us or prepare us, depending on the story we tell ourselves.

Planned vs. unplanned stress
From my view, an important distinction is often missing from this research. In my own work, I’ve found that even when people have the positive story, they still struggle. I think what most people mean when they say, “I’m stressed,” is that “My life is full of unplanned stress.”

Unplanned stress, sudden interruptions, shifting expectations, last-minute crises, destabilizes us. It robs us of agency. By contrast, planned stress, such as training for a marathon, preparing for a presentation, or raising children, is often adaptive and growth-enhancing. Bruce McEwen’s research on allostatic load confirms that it’s the unpredictable, chronic stressors that do the greatest harm. So while interpretations matter greatly, current studies rarely distinguish between the expected and the unexpected.

Stress as a social signal
There’s another piece often overlooked: stress is social. To say “I’m stressed” often really means, “What I’m doing matters.” Stress can be a badge of engagement.

If someone were to signal that they are not affected by stress, they would suggest that their work has very little meaning to them. However, if they were to say "Im so stressed" they would be saying the opposite.

In high-pressure workplaces, showing stress signals that you’re “in it with the team.” If everyone else is talking about being busy and one person looks calm, others may interpret that calmness as detachment.

Christina Maslach’s burnout research underscores this: the social dimension of stress (i.e. feeling connected or isolated) is often as impactful as the workload itself. This is why professionals will often tolerate extraordinary levels of pressure if the cause feels worthwhile, or if it keeps them connected to their group.

So how do we work with stress?
If stress can’t (and shouldn’t) be eliminated, the goal is to ridentify what types of stress are helping and the types that are not.

In my work with executives, teachers, and professionals, I focus on three levels of coping — each connected to the insights above:

1. Attaching meaning to stress
   If interpretations shape the impact of stress, then finding or reconnecting with meaning is the foundation. When stress feels tied to something important, whether a project you care about, a value you’re living out, or a team you want to support, the same symptoms of stress can feel purposeful rather than draining. McGonigal’s research shows that when people view stress as adaptive (i.e. a signal of meaning), they perform better and recover faster.

2. Top-down strategies: Planning stress in
   If unplanned stress is what destabilizes, then planning for stress is an antidote. Intentionally structuring the workday prevents the unexpected from taking over: scheduling emails at optimal times, setting boundaries around meetings, and leaving margin in the calendar for flexibility. By building predictability, professionals reclaim agency and resilience.

3. Bottom-up strategies: Calming the body
   Environments matter. A tidy desk, natural light, a quick walk, or even a technology-free pause can reset physiology. These small shifts reduce reactivity, making it easier to respond thoughtfully instead of being hijacked by unplanned stress in the moment.

4. Interpersonal strategies: Reframing stress as connection
   Because stress is social, then strengthening relationships is essential. Practicing assertiveness without aggression, listening actively, and negotiating creatively changes stress from a signal of isolation (“I’m carrying this alone”) into a signal of collaboration (“We’re in this together”). Stress becomes a connector, not just a weight.

Conclusion
Stress isn’t the enemy. It’s a sign of meaning, belonging, and growth, but only if we interpret it wisely and manage it well. By distinguishing between planned and unplanned stress, reshaping environments, and strengthening relationships, professionals can transform stress from a drain into a source of resilience.

If you’re a professional in Hong Kong navigating high stress, Dr Rick Smith’s practice offers evidence-based, high-end psychological support. Visit Rick-Smith.com to explore how to work with stress rather than against it.