One of the back-to-school trends that I find frustrating is when tips start popping up and they make no mention about what to do when kids simply refuse to go back. Kid's are left at home holding mixed bag of punishments and consequences, none of which seem to work.

Blame isn't an effective strategy.

We can't blame the adults. Some of the most supportive parents and talented educators have their own children at home, refusing to attend.

We can't blame the kids. They're not delusional. They simply have a hard time seeing the real benefits - especially when most of their friends are online anyway. Kids don't believe going to school is really about learning the material.

We can't blame the schools. What else could they possibly offer? The 'best' schools teach Latin, sports like fencing and lacrosse, strategies for once-off exams. None of this automatically equates to a better life.

It may not be any one person's fault that kids don't go. Sometimes reasons don't matter. They still need to attend.

And there are some guidelines on how to make that happen.

SEVEN GUIDELINES FOR BACK-TO-SCHOOL REFUSERS

1. Stop nagging about going to school. Ask them once a day at most. Otherwise you’re telling them you’re frustrated and that you can’t do anything about it.

2. Determine the expectation level for this week and write it down. Make it a meaningful step forward, but not too big of a leap.

3. On any school day that they don’t meet the expectation, they lose all privileges for that day. No screens, including the TV, no extracurricular activities, etc.  Only a computer to do schoolwork, which requires supervision. They can try again the next day.

4. Ask school staff to reach out to them as often as possible. Let them know they are missed, they have work to do, they want to see your child.

5. Ask family and friends to call. They say things like “I think you’re a wonderful kid. I know it’s hard. I want you to know that we support your parents in getting you back in school. Let me know if I can help you get back there.” This lets your kid know that this is a crisis, not a regular problem

6. If possible, arrange for 1-2 of their friends to be in your house waiting on them to go to school each morning.

7. Basic rule: The young person cannot do anything during school hours that they would not be allowed to do at school. For example:

• Pack a basic school lunch for them. No special meals during the day.

• Minimal to no attention. Do not talk with them during the day. Supervising adult is not an entertainer or playmate!

• Remove all games, toys, books, music, snack foods, access to electronics, access to bedroom, reinforcing interactions.

• They need to be out of the home (If possible). Bring them to work, to a relative or neighbour’s home, or to local library.

• If they stay at home, then they sit alone, do boring chores, or complete homework sent home from school. Arrange supervision.

• All fun activities are linked to school attendance.